Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

Bad morning...

I finally got an email from H at 8:30 am saying that he has had problems getting his new phone going and that he doesn't want to be w/o phone today.
Then he asked if he could pick up kids within the hour or sooner.

No mention of what he wants to do for the weekend...
WTH??? It's Thanksgiving day and I would like to finalize MY plans as well. I thought he was so inconsiderate and selfish.

So I called and he picked up. I admit - I was short. I asked him what he had decided to do for the weekend - I had sent him an email about that yesterday and never heard back either way.

He gets upset... He says he wanted to talk about it, and I didn't call him back and that he doesn't check his email that often (he checks it instantly on his phone all the time). I tell him I think it's inconsiderate of him not to finalize plans with me until the last minute - I have a right to have a life as well and we have had issues about this before.
Then I say, you know what, let's move on. It's Thanksgiving.

He continues going on about how I started the argument, etc.. I once again ask him "H, it's Thanksgiving, can we please move on?" He keeps going. I ask a third time - H, do you want to move on? He says "yes, but you start an argument and then disregard the other person when they give a POV to which you have no defense."

So we did it again - the eternal argument of who is right and who is wrong...
I tried once again "H, you said you wanted to move on, so can we?"
H: "Yes, if you acknowledge that you started this."
Me: "OK, I started it. Can we now please move on?"

MY PROBLEM HERE: I was NOT listening or validating. I got suck into the blaming game, and I DID start it with my short tone when I asked why he didn't get back to me.
I should have approached it something like: "It hurts my feelings when you don't work with me in finalizing kids' schedules."

So I asked what he had decided - he wanted to spend Thu and Fri with the kids and have the baby to spend the night with him and OW and he would bring the girls to sleep at my place.

I said "OK, at what time are you picking / dropping them of"
Once we finalized those details he said "I want to pick them up ASAP (OW was waiting for him at home and he wanted to play family with her before heading up to MIL's house...)

I said I still had to give them baths and get them ready and he was welcome to come help and they would be ready faster.
He said "I don't want to spend much time there and it has nothing to do with the kids."

OUCH... Who says that on Thanksgiving? I didn't know what to say, it hurt so much. I finally said "I know that, you have made it clear."

We finally go to off the phone. When he arrived, he barely said hi (from the other room) and when I started giving him the details (when was baby's last bottle, diaper change, etc.) he started playing with daughter, ignoring me and walked out of the room playing with her.

I told him that he was so rude and inconsiderate to walk away while I was trying to give him info he would need for the day. I was so hurt and mad about how he has been treating me for the last two days.

He started saying something and I said "I will walk away from you just like you did to me so you can see how much it hurts. It's just so rude."
And I went to the other room. He loaded the kids and left w/o saying goodbye to me.

It's so aweful. Another backslide... I am just not strong enough to do this, to stay aloof with all that is going on. I thought I was strong, but I am not. I don't know how to stay cool with all this. My counseling, reading, exercises, it all goes out the window.

I blow it, then repent and ask him to forgive me.
I sent him a text saying "I am sorry I was unkind when I got hurt. Happy Thanskgiving."

No answer... He will drop off girls in two hours from now. And will take the baby with him to play family with OW - another slap in the face tonight. And tomorrow, same story.
Picking them up to be with OW.

Ugh. Everyday there is a reminder of how she is replacing me - in EVERY aspect of his life. I just cannot recover from this constant pain. I feel like crap.