It seems to be a common experience that WAS' act very selfishly and seemingly oblivious (or uncaring) to the LBS' pain. This is all the more so for a WAS in an A. As I understand it, an A can really mess up the mind of a WAS and make them act very cretinous to others.
I would advise that you take a look at the web site, "Surviving Infidelity." In particular, check out the "Wayward" section of the forums and the FAQ, "From the Betrayed Spouse to the Former Wayward Spouse." There are a lot of WAS' on that website who had affairs and are now appalled & incredibly guilty about their behavior during the A. It may help you find some compassion for your H, as well as give you an idea of what you're dealing with.
Even though he is acting the way that he is acting now, he make wake up one day and realize the pain that he has caused. Best now like you said to detach. Let him do his thing and you do yours.
