Thank you for your kind words, workinghardguy. I appreciate them.
I spent the first six weeks of our separation beating myself up pretty good. During that time I began to come to terms with the role I played in the breakdown of our M. I took responsibility for my (in)actions during conversations and in written communications with my W. She has acknowledged that she knows that we both played a role in bringing the M to this point. The primary difference between us is contained in your point #3: her response (at least for now) to the current state of our M is to escape/leave/run from the M and mine has been to work my tail off to attempt to "wake up" personally and to save our M. You are absolutely correct when you write that she has already left the M. She has. In her heart, I know that we are no longer together. Knowing her, I suspect she has a clear vision of how her life (and the lives of our children) will look in the future--a future that includes me as a parent to the children but not as a spouse. She has told me that she did not reach the decision to separate/D lightly or quickly but that she is now "there;" she has told me that she believes that she is ahead of me emotionally with regard to a D because she has been thinking about it for a long time; and, she has told me that the reason she does not want to give a changed/new/more enlightened/engaged H (me) another chance is that the risk is too high. When I have asked her to be specific about the risk, she has told me the risk is risk of losing any more of her life to a bad M.
Thank you for the advice on detachment. I have a tendency to worry about my W's emotional state, to ask her if she is ok. Again, to continue to improve, I need to continue to focus on myself.
Patience, a powerful but daunting word. I will work on it. I am committed to being in the M until I no longer have the choice.
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I am hopeful that whatever it is that you desire from your M will come to be. Thank you again for your response.
