Ah, DC, I am so sorry that this has happened. As you know, even though you have found out this disturbing news, remember that things have still turned around for couples where one is involved with op. So, do stay detached, maybe back off on the long phone conversations. Let her get to miss you. He is nothing but a bandaid for the problems she has in your R. I know it's awful om is around your children, but do take comfort he is only around for an hour or so, and not spending the night.
And one thing, I HATE the phrase "love of my life"!!! My H and ow used that phrase, and ow made H an ugly wooden box with about a hundred coats of smelly varnish on it, with "loml" and a date on the bottom, with a bunch of scrapbookers stickers and stuff on the inside denoting their future together. H "hid" it in the house. S and I found it, took it into the woods, S chopped it up,and we ceremoniously burned it, as though we could burn out the devil from our lives. Ok, sorry for that rant!! Oh, and they did say they were going to live happily ever after and all that nauseating crap.
I am glad your state of mind is such that this did not have the effect on you it would have months ago. You have grown stronger over time. And you are right, she will begin to see om is not the perfect person, or answer she thought.
And most of all, you are the better person!!
So, with that I would wish you Happy Thanksgiving, but well, we know why I probably shouldn't!! But, we can all stand to tell what we are thankful for,whether or not we celebrate our holiday!
