Thought the roller coaster had bottomed out

[workinghardguy]

Ajay... I'm wondering if what you were feeling isn't a broken heart. There are physical symptoms to it... pressure, pain in your chest, you feel like you're contracting in on yourself. I know I've felt it... it's horrible but like the psychic pain it too passes.

I would encourage you to start visualizing what a happy, successful life looks without your wife. I know, that's painful to do, but it will help. It will give you something to work towards, something to grow to. What have you wanted to do that you haven't been able to? What is something you want to achieve but haven't?

For myself I've always wanted to finish my pilot's license. I've also wanted to finish my degree and then go to law or graduate school. I can do those things. They will cost money but I can find a way. I haven't ever done them now because I subordinated my wishes and desires to my W's and my family's. Will it make a difference in my R? Bring my W back? Who knows... but I know it will make me into what I want to be. I love flying. I love the law. I love politics. I love civic service. I love my wife. I love my kids. Right now one of those I can't have, so I am going to focus on all the rest.