I'm still here-again

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't necessarily feel like I am in limbo land anymore. I always said that if H wants a D, then he can do all the leg work that goes with it, and I still believe that.

[PERSEVERANCE]

Hi DG
I'm new & still learning... I want to know- If you make your spouse do all of the legwork, does that create more tension/animosity? Or...I guess the alternative is helping to move along the D process, which is the opposite of what we really desire? How do we walk this tight-rope?

[~¤DG¤~]

The history on my sitch is I haven't seen my H since May, and I've always been the one to take care of everything, so I figured if this is really what he wants than he can do the leg work.

[paige40]

Just stopping by to say HI DG. What are you doing for Turkey day?

[~¤DG¤~]

Today is the first day of vacation for me, and the vision I had of laying in bed for half the morning has already gone to sh*t.

The boys' alarm woke me up at 6, dog had to go out, and the boys can't seem to go one morning without "Mom, I need this........"

It's 7:30am and already I've:

-started laundry
-washed the dishes
-cleaned the bathroom
-took dog for a walk
-cleaned the rat cage

Last night we attempted to put up the Christmas tree, but that was a fail. It is a pre-lit tree, and over half the lights decided they didn't want to work. We dinked around with that thing for close to an hour before saying forget it, and threw it in the trash.
I'll buy another tree after Christmas like I did this one, and only spend $20.

Today my plans consist of nothing. I may go get myself some coffee just to get out of the house and do something for myself a bit.

[Autumn Leaves]

Morning DG! Wow what an accomplishment, you got a lot done already today! Going out for coffee is a great idea. I hope you enjoy it!

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Well I didn't get coffee and relax like I'd hoped I would, instead I spent the day cleaning and trying to get some other things taken care of.

While I was out walking the dog tonight, I started to feel sad.
Here I thought I was completely fine not celebrating the Holidays with my H as a family, but it hurts more than I thought it would and it makes me sad. I know what I am feeling is normal and it will pass, I'm just a little bummed right now.

I'm sure this will be hard for him as well.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling-----

Today is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

I am feeling sad today, really down.
I know I have so much to be thankful for and I am thankful, but I can't help but feel like a big part of me is missing.

I miss my H so, so much today. I wish I could make everything right.

[Ajay]

You could have been me saying those words. I am still finding it hard to deal with. I made the mistake of emailing a health info email to W today and got a nasty reply. Shouldn't have done it.

I came home to an empty house and cried again. I have a large hole im my soul and it is W shape. I can't understand how she can be so cold and cruel after 18 years. I KNOW I could make everything right but it seems I will never get the chance.

I know exactly how it feels and you have my sympathy.

[Valeska19]

DG,
I'm sorry you are having a hard day today. I think it's completely normal to have mixed emotions.

I really relate to wishing I could make everything right. What I'm learning to do is to rest in this feeling that God will make it right.. in his own time... in his own way.

And although that definitely doesn't match up with my timeline and expectations... he knows what's best for me.

Happy Thanksgiving DG! I very thankful you have come into my life... even under these crap circumstances.

(((( ))))