my IC told me to ask for feedback from W on how I am doing. If I am getting better, what I need to improve on or what I need to stop doing. Is this a good idea? Doesn't this go against DB?
It's not a good idea and I'll tell you why....
Because you're seeking her approval for your changes and that makes you look like a supplicant in her eyes which leads to further loss of respect.
Additionally, a common mistake for a man trying to DB is to jump through the hoops that the WAW has set, then running to her and telling her all about it. E.g. "You told me you wanted more help around the house. I've been doing that. Can't you see the changes? C'mon let's drop this whole D thing and fall in love with me again." i.e. Like a puppy returning the stick thrown and sitting on it's haunches waiting for a pat on the head.
Please don't do this.
The best policy you can follow right now is: FEW words and plenty of ACTIONS.
I cannot stress how important this is. Do not share what you have been doing in a way that appears that you're seeking approval. It only leads to disgust and apathy in the WAW. You need to demonstrate strength and that you are doing this for yourself IRRESPECTIVE of her.
If she comments about any of your improvements (and eventually she will -- in the form of an insult!) you need to be ready with a reply somewhere along these lines: "I don't know where you got the idea that I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this for myself. Think whatever you want. I LIKE the new me!"
And don't get drawn into arguments. If you're ambushed, tell her, "I don't feel like talking about this right now. We can discuss this later." And WALK AWAY. Bring it up another time when you're better prepared for the subject at hand.
If your WAW thinks or perceives she is in control of you... the less she will want to be with you.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
