REQ: Looking for a thread from a fellow DBer...

[Abbey]

Starsky said:
OK, I'll bite, and I'll get straight to the point:


Why would your husband want to be with a wife that would allow him to say "I love you" to the woman with whom he is having an affair, in that wife's presence?

If you two were single, and just met, would this behavior be attractive to him, or repulsive?

Repulsive. So, I know what you're saying. And honestly... a man who's doing this doesn't view me as his wife right now, does he? You're going with the assumption that doing/saying something is going to be able to reach him. I'm telling you, it won't.

There is a cavalierness and a flippancy to your attitude toward your marriage and how precarious it is right now, and to your husband's infidelity, that I find disturbing and a bit odd. A defense mechanism of yours, perhaps? (which is UNDERSTANDABLE).


After all the hurt and damage he's done. I don't know if I want him back. There's nothing flippant or cavalier about my feelings about this at all. I rips my heart out. Right now... I'm buying time to sort out my feelings, and trust me... the anger I feel IS driving this. My sis in law and H's brother are ready to skin him alive. She hears the tears and the frustration and anger. She's told me to kick him out.

We still have a business that I can't just let die. That's MY future. That's MY ability to walk away from this without being broke and having to work until I'm 80. I'm trying to protect myself from what is a totally INSANE and extremely complicated sitch.

Sometimes you have to do things that on the surface look strange.... This IS about survival.