too much time and distance

[Telemark]

I am told by folks here and my friends that life will get better, that lessons learned here will serve me well in the future, that life goes on and the clouds will clear. I am sure they are all correct. Just hard to see it from my vantage point.

Trust me on this one...it's true. I'm seeing a tiny break in the clouds. You will, too.

I am not saying the pain and feelings of betrayal will just go away; I'm sure that will take years to happen. But you will reach a level of acceptance that will allow you to move on from a position of strength rather than a position of despair.

Stay strong, my friend. Better days ahead.

[2stepboogie]

I am told by folks here and my friends that life will get better

Better? hmmmm Define better....It gets easier but then again I am speaking from only a year out. I will say this. At first nothing made sense, all future plans seem to vanish, I felt as if life as I knew it was over. Well something funny happened. The sun came up the next day.

My plans have not vanished, but they have changed.

Things are makeing sense again.

Life did not end but it is different.

Will the lessons I learn serve me well in the future? We will see.

I am "smarter" in a sense

[gunny]

AC,
The words of frustration you are voicing are the same for me, almost word for word. The pain is there everyday, the anxiety. Yet...I know it will get better, with time, doesnt make it any easier, but knowing that it will at least change sometime in the future brings solace to me, hang in there.

[any chance?]

Yes, I definately feel like all future plans have been shattered, and that everything I have worked and planned for has been lost. Very empty feeling.

Meeting with the L today to discuss finances and court dates. W has not done anything except engage a new L, but she wants a clean break, so I am going to give it to her.

Have a very uncomfortable feeling this morning. I have thought my W needed time and distance of sort her confusion, and, as I have said, needs to check this divorce box so she can move forward. Has to prove it to herself that she is independent and starting over. I have thought her lack of contact was her way of trying to let go of our R. I have a feeling that she is now demonizing me, highlighting any negativity she can find, with the help of the friend she is dependent on in her new state. Nothing positive, just a feeling. And that would be very sad. All I want is for her to have good memories of me and our R, but I feel like she is demonizing to justify.

I don't think this is every going to stop. Time to stop this rollercoaster, I just want to get off.....

[~¤DG¤~]

AC- time really does heal all wounds.
Like Telemark said, it doesn't mean that we won't still hurt because it will, it just means you'll have more moments of happiness than sadness. That is the hope any way.

[any chance?]

Beautiful fall day here....too bad I have to work all day!!! But keeping my mind occuppied is definately the way to go...when I am idle, my mind takes a downward spiral. Cannot let that happen.

NC by my W tends to drive me crazy. We had an issue with our phone account on Thursday, and I ended up calling twice, sending an email and a text, all to no response. Don't know if she is driving me crazy on purpose, has demonized me and simply does not want to talk to me, or is stridently pulling away....I know I cannot try to read her mind, and that I have to detach and take care of myself, but it does bother me tremendously.

I guess just have a hard time realizing that my W is no longer the woman I have been in love with for 20+ years. That person seems to be gone, probably forever. Very sad to contemplate, but that is the way it is.

[any chance?]

Update:
Been on a work trip for the past week of so...very busy so have not had much time to contemplate my sitch.

W visited her mom and sister last week, and had a very rough time of it. Her mother is in assisted living and is very infirm, and does not take very good care of herself. My W has a hard time dealing with her, and gets very disraught dealing with her. Talked to W on the phone last week, and she was very worked up and distraught. However she did manage to ask legal questions about the D process. Guess it is on her mind all the time.

Very little contact other than that. W is going to her friend's house for Thanksgiving. This friend is very enabling to my W and is determined to help my W forget about me and move on, up to the point of setting her up with other men. My W is very codependent on this friend, which is not good for me at all.

W has been gone 3.5 months today. Seems pretty clear to me she wants nothing to do with me, and that I am just part of her past. That is a part of this situation that I will never understand,and it is really messing with my head.

Making plans to go to a warm tropical destination for Xmas. Going to go solo, which will be very strange. But I have to do it. I have to move on.

Thanks for listening.

[gunny]

AC,
Good to hear from you again, I know your anguish, I am feeling much the same way, this really is not fun. Again, we have no ohter option but to keep going forward, with the knowledge that eventually, time will make a difference. Having good friends is also definately a help. What are your plans for the holiday?

Just keep hanging in there buddy, it has to get better!!
Gunny

[any chance?]

Trying to work on the GAL activities. Still on the road, and will be back home soon. Seem to be struggling with the notion of doing some of the things I love (concerts, traveling, etc), but doing them solo is difficult. Making plans for concerts and travelling without my lifelong partner really puts me in a funk. Imagine I just need to man up and get over it, but it just feels wrong to me.

[any chance?]

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope everyone is able to take a moment to reflect on what is truly good and bright in their lives. Sometimes it is far too easy to fixate on the bad things. This I know for sure.