I also wanted to comment on what you posted in the b-day / Xmas post:
Originally Posted By: JaeC
she was angry with me today and curt but she apologized later. she said she didn't want to talk about OR any longer and that if she didn't say "you're getting a second chance" i wouldn't start doing the things to improve myself to show her that i deserve a second chance.
As you mentioned in your previous post on this thread, your W gets "angry" with you a lot... I'll touch on that in a bit...
I'm not sure if I'm reading the above correctly, what she said is what would be considered "script". It's also controlling... your description of her verbal abuse above and in previous posts is concerning... again, I'll touch further on this in a bit...
Originally Posted By: JaeC
she's entitled to that view, of course, but i would disagree. i've done a huge amount of personal growth and am changing decades old habits as quickly as i can...i'm sure they could be faster with some folks but that's just not how it is for me right now.
The above statement suggests growth, although it will take time for the changes to be convincing. There's also a bit of "victim" language in your comment. Not sure if you FEEL yourself a victim and out of control, just something for you to think how language often reflects subtle or sometimes unconscious feelings and beliefs...
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OK, back onto the topic of your description of your W's episodes of anger...
It's said two wrongs don't make a right. Just because you deal with rage outbursts, does not give your W permission to do the same. Here's the thing, though...
First, I get that it takes a "STRONG" woman to put up with men who deal with anger issues... From many relationships like those, I often see the women can "hold their own"...
Here's where the sitch might be a little sticky or confusing...
Is your description of her anger outbursts, simply reflections of what you THINK she is doing based on what could be your own anger episode?
ie. Is it her getting in your face, or is it you raging, so she goes into attack mode?
Can you see patterns to this? Are you triggering, which then triggers your W?
Having said that, while you might have PTSD and rage episodes... well, your W could have something going on, as well... I'm not suggesting you try to figure out what is "wrong" with her... I only mention it because the variables might add up to something that could get ugly...
So again, I just wanted to add the above and will restate:
Take charge and control of yourself, protect yourself from the sitch, and once you've emotionally settled yourself... get back to DBing at "a safe distance"...
