Can MLC last a short time?

[MrBond]

"Her h needs to help her to recover from the hurt by kindness and sensitivity."

Which he has been doing.

"However C's husband is doing things which many women would be understandably upset by."

Again generalizing. In fact studies have shown more women acting like that. Increase in porn. Increase in infidelity, etc.

"It has little or nothing to do with what is going on in the marital bedroom, and a great deal to do with issues relating to the one looking at porn."

Again, we don't know what it is in this sitch. Did she actually ask him why he was looking at porn rather than making him feel ashamed? I don't know. And we all know that shaming doesn't work. All it does is push the behavior underground.

"The main point is that it is not c's 'fault' that her h is looking at porn, and to suggest that spicing things up in the bedroom will sort it out, is sadly, almost certainly incorrect."

No one said it was 'C's fault. I was just asking the question of what her sex life was like. While she felt used by him, it might have been his only way of connecting with her. Then when that was cut off, he had to find other means. We don't know.

The only person who knows is her H and she has to understand that he has feelings too. The two need to push through the apathy and understand what the other is feeling. And not rely on shame or anger, or embarrasment or whatever. Sweeping things under the rug will only result in the sitch getting worse. We've seen it time and time again on here.

"Thanks once again for getting me. After his ea and HIS decision to stay and HIS promise to stop lying it knocked me back down again."

No one has been ganging up on you and lets face it ... we ALL get you. We've been where you are. Some in worse situations. Far worse. What you need to understand is that others are offering their perspective of what your H might be feeling. If you don't give a crap about his feelings then why pursue the M? I get you're hurting. Again, been there done that with two young kids. It wasn't until I started seeing my W as a human being again with faults as well as me, that I started healing.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?