DB'ing is soooo hard!

[2thepoint]

"I have been toying with the idea of dropping my Facebook conversations with friends (which she scrutinizes continually), and other social activities that only seem to make her mistrust my feelings on our separation."

It seems to me that your FB conversations are really just an open book to your W about your comings and goings. If you want to create some mystery then she needs to "wonder" what you are up to. So stop broadcasting what you are doing, planning, etc. I know it is hard. We want our W's to see and acknowledge the changes. But the reality is that they do see the changes, they just don't believe them. At least not at first.

I'm not sure what you mean by "other social activities that seem to make her mistrust...". I think you just have to stop worrying about it. Really!

"Tonight we are going to an Irish pub to see a mutual friend play, and then tomorrow to her sisters hosue for Thanksgiving. I am very apprehensive that I will be treated as non-existant there as I am at home."

WHY? Why are you going places with your W? How is that giving her space? Why do you allow yourself to be subjected to the type of behavior you describe? You need to start bowing out of events with your W. Not all, but some or most. You cannot create mystery when you are spending so much time with your W. See what I'm saying?

"How do you manage to keep a straight face on through the hurt and unfairness? I feel like the more I am showing a face that says I'm okay with this, am GAL, am upbeat, etc; the easier it becomes for her to continue on her solitary path of self enjoyment. And, she has the best of both worlds. I pay the bills, do all the family obligations, etc.; while she has a place to stay and the freedom to do whatever she wants."

Again, the problem here is you are too transparent. There is no mystery and because you allow her to see what you are doing with your GAL activities, she can dismiss you and continue on with her own selfish behavior all the while criticizing you.

You have to come to grips the fact that your W's "solitary path of self enjoyment" is going to continue for quite some time. There is no silver bullet that is going to snap your W out of her fog. Only time and lots of it.

So Rick, my best advice is for you to continue to GAL and make your actions as mysterious as possible. Ignore your W's taunts and outbursts. She is only trying to bait you. You have to resist reacting.

Never forget that it is your W that has chosen this path for your M. So, while she initially had the upper hand in making her choice, it is now time for you to take back control over your own actions and reactions. AND, realize that it is going to take a lot of TIME!

And so you need to ask yourself, are you up for the ride? Can you hang on for the long haul?

Only you know the answer.