Sorry to hear about all that, J. Definitely infuriating. However, I think you realize at this point that trying to argue with the WAS' point-of-view will get you nowhere. They have their mind made up as to how they're going to act and feel, and the more you attack that view, the more firmly they'll dig their heels in. Frustrating, yes, but it's also human nature to defend when attacked (even if you were doing so with good intentions in regards to your S).
I hate that your S has to be in the middle of this. He will see what's going on and feel confused, perhaps frustrated himself. Just keep trying to raise him right in the middle of this maelstrom. If he's a good kid (which he sounds like), he'll attach to those good values.
