Plans change quickly. Today is the day my W and I trade the girls. She said she would have to do it later this afternoon. Which is fine by me....more time with my ladies...I'll take it. Around 2 I text messaged her and asked when she wanted them. It turns out she was at orientation at her new job. I told her congrats and to let me know.
It was around 5 pm and I still hadn't heard anything. The girls were hungry so I decided to take them to a restaurant by their moms house. This way I could just drop them off when we were done. As we were pulling in I got a text from the W saying that she was on her way. I told her we were at a restaurant. I thought about it and I figured since she was picking up the girls anyway, and she just got a new job, maybe she'd want to meet us at the restaurant to eat. I made it sound like we were all celebrating her new job. Does she see that as pursuing? I don't know, but does it really matter? She's gonna think what she is gonna think. Eating dinner with the kids was much easier on both of us as she didn't have to feed them, she got dinner, and I got to spend more time with the kiddos.
I surprised myself. I was calm, cool and collect. I was smiling and laughing. Joking around with the girls. I listened to my W about her new job. I maintained eye contact and was really interested in what she was saying. At one point she seemed a bit uncomfortable that I was looking her in the eyes and she turned away. I dialed it down some. I asked questions about her schedule, how she likes her co-workers, what she'd be doing, etc.
We then talked about the girls and general stuff. I was telling her about all the funny things the girls did. My D3 called me a butt-head today. I have no idea where she learned that. I told the W about it. It was one of those times that it throws you off guard you have to try really hard not to laugh as you're telling them not to call names. It was hilarious. I also updated her about the IRS situation. We didn't get too in depth, but I told her enough that she knows what is going on.
She was wearing that ring again. The thing is it didn't phase me. My mind started to wander a bit, but I was able to reel it in quickly. As I mentioned before I was smiling, joking around and I came off as confident, content and happy. The weird thing is.....I wasn't acting. I had a good time. I'm not down and out. My mind isn't racing. We had a pleasant time and the girls were really happy and hyper towards the end.
I'm proud of myself. I do have a slight concern as to whether she viewed tonight as pursuing, but again, I can't control that. The dinner made life easier on both of us and on the kids. Win/win.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm no longer nervous. I know I can be myself and frankly, I like myself.
Thanks MrBond for pushing me. I didn't think I could do it, but now I know I can. I think doing to too often would be viewed as pursuing...and it would be. I realized that I am actually very blessed in this situation. My W wants me to be involved with the kids. I've heard horror stories and my heart goes out to the mothers/fathers that have their kids taken away because of divorce.
All in all, a GREAT day. Tomorrow will be a better one. Especially knowing that I don't have to act "as if", because I already am. Great confidence boost tonight.
Hope everybody has a great turkey day. Be safe. I'm praying for all of us that are in the grind right now. This time is tough, but we will survive.
