Who designed this ultramarathon course?

[jbnati]

My W called me today. One of S's friends had called her wanting to get together with S. My S is with me today and tonight.

It turned out to be an interesting conversation. We made the arrangements for Thanksgiving day that I was concerned about. I just told it didn't make sense to deal with getting my S home on Friday morning if she had to work. We just left it that we would coordinate the exchange and do it the most convenient way possible. I'm willing to be flexible in this case. I think she appreciated me taking the lead on it.

So then the conversation got to the point where I have volunteered to let S's friend spend the night. I also mentioned being at S's school the last couple of days. She made a comment that she was the one who made the presence at school at one time and now it's me. I mentioned talking to the teacher. I also mentioned I had some brownies that I could make for the boys after dinner.

She then said, "I don't know if I can handle all these changes!", and kind of chuckled. I just said, "I like 'em!". She noticed them before and honestly I thought they were status quo by this time. I guess I'll take them as small positives. Life is going on with or without her around here.

So now I have my S's friend spending the night. Hopefully they don't tear the house down.

Unfortunately, the dog raided the brownies while were all in the basement so now I have to deal with that I've called the emergency vet as a precaution and I've fed her a few doses of hydrogen peroxide. She doesn't seem that fazed by any of it...yet.

[gunny]

JB,
It sounds like you have things well in hand. It's amazing that you have been dealing with your sitch since the beginning of the year and you are still hanging in there.

Right now, as much as you seem to be in limbo sometimes, time would appear to be on your side. In some ways, it is the best of all words, you get your s often, you are GALING the heck out of life, and you still have an amicable and productive r with your s.

All in all, not a bad position to be in, not ideal, but not bad at all, imho

Good luck with the walk today JB, 4 mile run for me here.

[jbnati]

I received this text from my W earlier today:

Hey...i just wanted u know I will be getting S around 6 tonight. Also I don't want u to be surprised or upset but I will have a friend with me when I come. It is totally up to u if u r ok with meeting but i understand if not and he can wait in the car. I feel we can be open about things so that's what I m trying to do. Let me know and I will do whichever..

More later...I ended up calling her.

[CO1978]

My heart goes out to you on this. I have no advice to give as I am new to DB. Its great you are having the best relationship with your S. Keep up the positive attitude and 180! We are all here for you.

[jbnati]

I ended up calling my W. I probably backslid on the DB'ing, but this involved my S and I was absolutely livid, TBH. The conversation went something like this (it may be a little out of order):

jb: I got your text. I think we need to make some other arrangements.
w: Why?
jb: I don't appreciate you exposing my S to this. It really upsets him.
w: Well, he's just going to have to get used to this. Mommy and Daddy aren't together anymore.
This is where I start to lose it.
jb: What do you think you're showing our S right now?
w: I don't appreciate you telling S you'd be happier if Mommy were back together.
jb: I never said that. S asks questions and I answer him truthfully. I am trying to show him what the right thing to do is.
w: And what is that right thing? To not date because of a piece of paper?
jb: No. That's not what I'm staying. It not a about a piece of paper. I made a promise and I made a promise to the Lord.
w: Are you saying you are going to take my S from me because I am not showing him Christian values? It's my decision if I choose Christianity or not and it's my decision if choose to live a Christian life.
jb: Yes, it is your decision. It's not my decision, though. I am trying to teach my S the right way.
w: So you mean we should stay together in an unhappy M until he's 18?
jb: You can't honestly say you tried everything to save this thing.
w: Oh yes I can! We were in counseling for two years and we didn't get anywhere.
jb: You're showing our S it easier to cut and run than to work than to work on your problems. How's that going to affect his future relationships?
w: I am teaching him it's better to change things up when things aren't working.
jb: (just pacing at this point. I knew I was going down a cheeseless tunnel - my opinion she went to counseling and didn't expend very much effort)
jb: That's your opinion. I disagree strongly with it. But I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree on that one.

That's the gist of it.

She called back later and she said I could bring S down later, she could pick him up later or she could just pick him up in the morning. We agreed she could pick him up later.



I need to go out on a quick 8.6 mi. bike ride, and I need to do it now.

[ncl]

JB,

I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this. My heart breaks for you, and I am angry for you. I think you did the right thing by calling your wife to discuss this; you did it with your son's best interests at heart. She had to know that by sending that text message, she was going to upset and anger you.

I have no words (well, actually I do, but they aren't very DB, Christian or lady-like of me), so instead, just know that I am praying for you, your son and for your very lost wife.

She really just doesn't "get" what she's missing out on in you, does she? So, so sad.

Love, hugs, prayers....lc4

[Rick1963]

JB sorry you had to experience this. You are stil my hero and an ispiration. When I told my friend of my sitch she said I never liked your W. I laughed since she never met her. My D and I had a great time tonite and plan a great weekend together. Our W mean alot to us but we mean nothing to them. That is the hard part. Latetly my W sounds like a Klingon or Mr Spok. I truly don't understand what she is saying.. I hope u and the little dude have a super Thanksgiving you deserve itV

[westcoastfella]

Sorry to hear about all that, J. Definitely infuriating. However, I think you realize at this point that trying to argue with the WAS' point-of-view will get you nowhere. They have their mind made up as to how they're going to act and feel, and the more you attack that view, the more firmly they'll dig their heels in. Frustrating, yes, but it's also human nature to defend when attacked (even if you were doing so with good intentions in regards to your S).

I hate that your S has to be in the middle of this. He will see what's going on and feel confused, perhaps frustrated himself. Just keep trying to raise him right in the middle of this maelstrom. If he's a good kid (which he sounds like), he'll attach to those good values.

[jbnati]

Right now, as much as you seem to be in limbo sometimes, time would appear to be on your side. In some ways, it is the best of all words, you get your s often, you are GALING the heck out of life, and you still have an amicable and productive r with your s.

gunny, I am thankful for those times in limbo. It's OK for now, and I know it won't last forever. However, the limbo got shaken a bit today.

[jbnati]

My heart goes out to you on this. I have no advice to give as I am new to DB. Its great you are having the best relationship with your S. Keep up the positive attitude and 180! We are all here for you.

Thanks for your support, 1978! I do appreciate it!