DBing against OW...?????

[Nblost]

Your situation sounds really tough especially if your H is an alcoholic. I can't imagine trying to deal with him rationally.

I would recommend the book Torn Asunder. It talks about anger and gives you permission to get angry...especially right after you discover the A. (and what's the risk of getting angry? Your H is already having an affair...what is the worst thing that can happen? The anger could actually help if they were at the point of being ready to end it or feel bad)

I do think you need to focus on getting your life back...spend time with your kids, exercise, talk to a friend or family, etc. That'll help you not obsess. I obsess too...I think it is VERY normal at this stage. My IC also said it is fine to be competitive with the OW if you think your H is open to considering coming back (not sure if yours is there though so the Last Resort Technique is probably where you are).

But, in the end, I feel sorry for both you and the OW. These men aren't treating anyone well and neither of you should be with someone like him...especially if he is an alcoholic. He isn't ready for a healthy relationship with anyone so I doubt she is worth your time to even think about. (Think about how high quality of a woman dates a married man let alone one with your husband's issues?)

I'm not saying you should give up on your marriage...but I think if you focus on yourself, you may get to the point where you can detach more from what he is doing.