2TP - thank you so much for your kind wisdom. I really do appreciate it as I would otherwise find this sitch so difficult to do alone.
I am going back and forth internally deciding whether I should continue GAL in ways that seem only to make my W upset (although her actions make her being upset with me so hypocritical). I have been toying with the idea of dropping my Facebook conversations with friends (which she scrutinizes continually), and other social activities that only seem to make her mistrust my feelings on our separation. I'm not sure how to approach this but I guess if I increase what has become a monastic/Mr Mom existance she will still never learn to overcome her double standard on the issue of trust. She always has had a huge issue with an inability to trust me around other woman even in the most mundane situations, and then with her own need for constant attention from other men. This is something that is an issue in her current MLC, psychiatric treatment an so on (molested as a toddler), so maybe she will overcome this at last.
So you see, her an I are dealing with the affects of her pschological life crisis, and post traumatic stress reactions, but nonetheless she is working through this by being incredibly self centered, and hypocritical. On one hand I can support her completely as she works through this thing but on the other hand am so hurt by how it is happening.
I have decided to keep a very low profile over the Holidays and up until March (which will be 1 yr since the bomb dropped). That way I can focus on self evaluation, improving myself, etc., and still give her the time/space to work on herself.
What I really hate is how she constantly talks about her happiness everywhere else (work, coworkers, other friends) while I agonize over how I how become so irrelevent in her life.
Tonight we are going to an Irish pub to see a mutual friend play, and then tommorow to her sisters hosue for Thanksgiving. I am very apprehensive that I will be treated as non-existant there as I am at home.
How do you manage to keep a straight face on through the hurt and unfairness? I feel like the more I am showing a face that says I'm okay with this, am GAL, am upbeat, etc; the easier it becomes for her to continue on her solitary path of self enjoyment. And, she has the best of both worlds. I pay the bills, do all the family obligations, etc.; while she has a place to stay and the freedom to do whatever she wants. What do you think?
