Okay, thanks Abbey. Yes I recognize this is just starting but I'm concerned if she flees to another city I won't have an opportunity. I've already done a 180 on the things that are easy for her to dislike about me--frankly they aren't as important to me as she is. We had discussions about this in the past before all this happened, I've always said my issues were "roommate" issues, not "life partner" issues. Unfortunately I didn't handle it well. She's going to be home a lot more, she's unemployed as of today.
I've read the Divorce Remedy, and unfortunately it's been sitting out so the cat is out of the bag on that one. I'm not really a note-taker so there's no highlights in it as clues.
The book she left on the counter appears marked up, but I don't think it's her who did this, the handwriting doesn't appear to be hers so I think she picked up a used copy. I will seek my own copy. So far I haven't acknowledged it--she's had some piles of stuff on the counters for ages so it's easy enough to pretend I haven't seen it. I will seek the additional book you stated as well.
I wonder if the boss relationship is on the outs already to be honest. She made a comment about being in the house more frequently and said "as a matter of fact more nights as well." I didn't react in any way to that comment. He has his own divorce to deal with, and he's a transplant with his wife & kids in another state. With no job prospect he may have to go home to attend to his personal affairs. He too is unemployed as of today.
Her job offer for the 1500+ mile away job didn't arrive, they passed on her, so she's now facing either severe underemployment or unemployment. Now she's talking about a job that's on 500 miles away, better for relationship with my stepson but still fleeing.
I can suck up and live with her, it's not a contentious relationship from me. It's painful, no doubt, and it stresses me greatly to see her and then watch her head out for another evening not with me, but that's how this stuff goes I guess.
I can be nice, it's not that difficult here for me to be honest. It's very very painful as anyone on this forum is aware of though. I'm not to enforce an ultimatum just yet, but I think my opportunity to get her to talk is going to close very quickly if she's constantly seeking another city to live in. Is it way too early to simply ask her to go to therapy with me? Even so I can begin to understand myself? It's not about solution, it's about understanding.
