Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Abbey]

Oh... I've been exactly where you are and am pretty much there again. You wonder if you're being played. You wonder if you should just grow some and dump his dumb rear. You view him as weak. You have feelings of: Do I really want this person anymore? etc etc etc.

Yep, yep, and yep.

It's your sanity making you stronger. It survival technique that we inherently will do to cope.

You're on a roller coaster that you'll feel that way one minute and then want to cling the next. Go with it, it helps you get the distancing and detaching that you require.

FWIW, I worried intently the first time if my detaching would just KILL my love for him. I fretted over that, and wrestled with the whole detaching thing as a result. Honestly... the sooner you can find a way to detach, the saner your life will become.

Detaching MAY,... and I do stress MAY cut your feelings for him once and for all. But honestly,... the heart wants what the heart wants. And to be honest, when you think about the amount of people who HAVE come back to spouses ... who at one time would have rather eaten their left arm than go back... your feelings for one another can regenerate. HOPEFULLY once both of you are willing to do the work.

That's the mistake I made, he didn't do his side of the work... and as such, what he's doing he thinks is perfectly OK to do to another person. Not just to me, but to the OW too.

Think of it this way... your H IS reaching to get closer to you in little bits. HE's doing THAT to the other woman. When you get the idea that they're just THAT much like a spoiled 5 year old who wants ALL their toys and all their wants, and everything to go just their way... you really start to appreciate what you're dealing with.