ITM, as Starsky says, this is one of those questions that very often comes out on this board... How does one compete with or get rid of the OP...?

I completely agree with Starsky and others on one specific principal at least... A M cannot be "fixed" until the OP is out of the picture...

I have a bit of a soft shoe feeling about it, though...

What I mean is, I would NOT want to be with someone who didn't FREELY choose to be with me... At the very least, and on the surface...

IF I was single and my GF took to "cheating" on me... IOW, was intimate with another man... I would get out of the R. If I liked someone and they were intimately with someone else, I WOULD NOT pursue...

I would simply continue to be me, continue to grow in myself... my life... and when someone chose to be with me and was emotionally available to do so, then I would participate in an intimate R with them...

Those are BOUNDARIES based on my moral leanings...

IF I decided to manipulate a woman in an R to get rid of the OP to be with me... I would be attempting to control another person and I do not do that... in my mind, love is not a trophy to win... it is a feeling to have in oneself and to share with someone, willingly...

It doesn't matter what contracts we sign, what vows we speak, what social mores exist... if someone will not choose US... there is very little we can do about it...

Now... that is my personal moral and opinion... that does not mean I disagree with other opinions or how others might conduct themselves in regards to an OP...

Do you want someone to love you because of something you do? Something you have? Something you say?

Or do you want someone to love you because of who you are and that they simply choose to be with you?

Whatever your answer, and no answer is black and white...

Be the person you want to be... either your H will choose to be with you, or someone else is likely to... and conduct yourself around your H in what ever way is emotionally safe for you, using boundaries that you would have with any other human on this earth, based on your own personal code of honour...