"Well, I've pretty much done everything possible to keep saving my marriage. But with continual lying that has destroyed my trust, I don't know how long I'm willing to do anything."-C
In this series of postings I saw nothing from the OP about OW being in the picture. What I read seemed to be a woman who is trying to find her way through a maze....a man regretting his decisions, but taking a least the first steps in ownership of those decisions. Those aren't the steps of a metaphorical puppy, but of some one trying to right his wrong.
The OP clearly stated that the "continual lying" is what is the issue. Yet the husband has come forth to admit to something he knows will hurt his wife's feelings. As I stated, she has the right to her feelings. That isn't where the issue lays. The issue lays in how the situation was handled IMHO. His honesty was rewarded with a cold shoulder.....a sharp tongue.
Often we swing the ax of judgement so fast based purely on instantaneous thoughts, that we miss the opportunity of changing the big picture.
What if what had transpired was more like;
H-I have been watching porn again...I am sorry W-H....you know how porn makes me feel. How it degrades women in my eyes. The truth is though that while I disapprove of the porn, I appreciate that you are honest with me about it.
That is how one can set productive boundaries without destroying the underlying fabric of what is happening. This is not about the porn and what is may have cost the OP or Beatrice. Nor am I advocating the right or wrong of porn. IT is about the attempt of the H to be HONEST. An attempt on his part to end the cycle of lying that is driving the OP to think about ending everything.
