Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Yeah, that is pretty much what I am doing. I assume he is with her very night he is gone so I don't snoop or wonder. I even told him that at one point because he had been silent about the A and I wanted him to know that I wasn't a fool.

H texted me several times this morning as he got on the plane. His dad isn't feeling well so his parents may not make it for Thanksgiving. I was still in bed and didn't respond. He told me to send him an email on the plane if I wanted to talk. I don't plan to do that.

I feel like I'm in a very wavering place. I've basically told him he needs to move out of the house if he is going to continue the A, but he hasn't. I'm kind of doing the LRT, but he's been open to some talking and he hasn't said clearly that he wants a D...so I waver on that. I also want to be positive, nice and try to talk to him in his LLs, but I waver because I don't want to be overly nice and enable him to keep eating his cake.

I guess the piece I am missing is what is happening with OW. If I had a better sense for that, I would have a clearer idea if I should hold on or if I'm being played. There is part of me that is tempted to send her a note (I won't) which basically says that if she is in it with him for the long haul...she can have him. I'm tired of the lies, his inability to make a decision or move out, etc. It's interesting that I really don't think my H is all that appealing of a guy right now...he might be feeding her the right set of lies to make her think otherwise...but he just seems like such an insecure, indecisive, weak person to me.

I still would be willing to try to work on our marriage, but I have been clear with him that I won't hold on for long. I've said this before, but for my H, the "threat" of his life unraveling and the exposure that would come with us separating could end up being what it takes for him to either recommit to me or for me to know he isn't coming back.

I will continue to take the high road for now though and keep positive!