Thank you, Accuray, for your time & thoughts, as well as to the many others who have provided support.
For the longest time, months actually, I contained my hurt regarding the knowledge of W's secretive ongoing relationship, whatever it was, with OM. Only recently, with her continued silence on the subject matter - and the impending decision of "where do we go from here", did it feel insurmountable.
Last evening, during a casual conversation, I cracked. I was hoping to hold out any such discussion until after Thanksgiving. On one particular question, I felt (actually, knew) she provided a deceptive answer, I probed further.
Needless to say, I persisted until she admitted she had been withholding information from me about OM for quite some time. She was adamant, it is/was not a PA and therefore did not break our vows. (I can't say for sure if I believe her, as much as I want to). She said she just wanted to have male friends who weren't gay. PA or not, I wouldn't have been angry. Hurt & confused yes. I conveyed that.
Anyway, as much as I was into the moment, I didn't feel proud for getting her to admit. I had always hoped she'd do it on her own terms and preferrably sooner. But, I did it and will have to suffer the repercussions, yet to be determined.
One final thought, is it acceptable or even normal for a spouse to have a friend of the opposite gender? (I'm not talking about lunching occasionally with a co-worker during business hours, or going to an all-office happy hour.) Is there a specific line which should not be crossed? Is it incorrect to be jealous, or to request that the "friendship" cease?
