25-There are no court orders for anything. Once he got the papers he started putting money in without me asking. It has come up and he shuts ME down. He says he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. COuld it be he was using it just to cope? I am working on my own internal timeline. So, a few days ago we talked about what "coming home" would look like. He admitted to his deceit. His selfishness and the drinking to much and obviously the OW. No excuses but admitted them. Says he does not use me for blame for any of his actions. That he would need to put me first this time not the other way around. He said he will NOT go to counseling. Well, maybe if I really felt I needed him there. No rehab/ AA. Of course, NO OW.
He doesn't want to hear about my pain. If and when I bring it up he says" yup, here we go again you just can't let it go"! My reply-no cause it is still a problem. YOu are still living with her!! THIS is where I feel like I am not DBing well. Is it him being manipulative or is it really like dbing says to not bring up the past or issues until the right time?! He claims this is why he can't call or see me cause I will bring it up and never let it go?! He hasn't given me a chance-IMO! Maybe I am wrong. But, if we are talking about coming home this crap has got to be addressed! Right!? THen he says for the rest of his life I will always have this on him. I can't help that!! HE did it! I don't want to hold it over his head and hes claiming I am now. I didn't think I was just trying to talk it out like 2 adults. Am I wrong here? I do have a problem with holding grudges but am working on that. He takes this as evidence that nothing has changed. INPUT please! Am I out of line. Is he right?! I don't plan to hold it over his head but it has to change first in order to give me a chance!! I don't understand the question about how much money he makes? How could it be more if we D? I am guessing her income isn't going to help much. SHe makes a living off of tips if you know what I mean. I am GAL. I look the best I have in years. H can't get over it! Love my job. Like the people. I do have an active social life. Only thing I haven't done is met a lot of new people. I can work on that. I do have soul searching to do. I will do that. I feel so manipulated but don't trust myself and reasoning after all these years of living with that.
