How to get her to try again?

[Abbey]

Uhm... you can't get her to the table yet. Not yet. She's all involved with her boss right now. You can't "win" that. The DB'ing gives you diff options, but based on your post, you've got work to do on yourself.

Understand that it's not over until it's over. You're in the infancy of this thing with her. Start with working on you, start with doing the 180 to things like nagging or being a neat freak. Since she's not coming home etc etc etc, you may have to hoof her out to give her the dose of reality she actually needs. OR, you might have to suck it up and wait this thing out.

My H and I had to separate in order to make things come clearer. (As I well know, we'll have to do that again to put a final end to my mess.)

Get BOTH DB books. Also get Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It's an eye opening read. BTW, don't show her these books. (I'll explain in a sec) If she's left a book around for you. Get your own copy. READ it. Find out what kind of "advice" she's reading. Knowledge is power here. Read her book, then read YOUR books. Do NOT let her see these books. They are YOUR manual to get through this thing. Did I mention that you do NOT let her see these books YOU need to read? *smile*

I read mine, wrote notes in them, and it's funny now looking back at them again, and writing diff notes this time. It shows what parts of the DB worked, what took time, what didn't work for me, and what parts of "trouble" we've skipped over this time.

As for separating, sometimes the best thing is the BIG dose of reality that they need. If she's stressed, that means she's going to be stressed with him. If they potentially could lose their jobs... more stress. Doesn't sound like a good foundation for them, doesn't it. Don't enforce the ultimatum just yet. Read the books, be NICE (yes it's like having arrows stabbed at you.)... and once you've done that, then decide if you need to kick her out, or wait this thing out.

Abbey