I'd say that I've stayed pretty consistent with what I've been doing, aside from the couple of times I fell apart, which I think is normal given the situation.
I've been doing the heavy lifting in my life since I was six years old. I guess I'm getting tired.
H came to me and told me flat out (which has been covered in my main thread) that he went crazy and now regrets it, and that there will be no more lies or things behind my back. In fact, he has told me what a fool he is, how he does not deserve me, won't hurt me again, etc. We've actually been closer than ever lately, then ... more lies surface.
I'm at a point where I'm not sure how much longer *I* am willing to go down this path. I've definitely been doing the heavy lifting since July 3. I have to decide how many more lies I will put up with. Because I'm pretty sure they aren't going to end just on his say so.
You know, I come here for support... but if this is going to turn into a "what are you doing for your H, are you doing enough" forget it.
I've been through hell and I'm tired, and I'm in a bad place. My health suffers. I also found out that my hemoglobin went to a 8.0 and I have 2 bleeding ulcers from this. My hair has fallen out considerably. The summer is taken a toll on me physically.
I SHOULD be happy my h decided to stay. Right? That's what I wanted, more than anything. But I'm NOT happy... I'm sad, I'm not relieved. I feel sick inside.
BUT my H is happy... he's very happy as he says "to still be here, and that he didn't leave." And he wants me to roll over every day and be intimate.. and now I just don't care anymore.
I on the other hand feel like I'm the walking wounded who just fled a huge battle and Im' full of bullet holes. Sorry to be so dramatic but that's really just how it feels this week.
I have to start taking of me, and he will have to take care of himself. Guess I'm heading right back into withdrawal and detachment because I don't know what else to do.
I am not sure what is wrong with me, but it seems to be getting worse.
