Finally confronted H on affair...Now what????

[keep_going]

25

Thanks again for all your encouragement. It means a lot to me and makes me feel validated knowing that someone understands this crazy journey.

You asked about dating... I feel like I am not ready or want to date for two reasons.

1) I am still very much in love with my H. I adore the man I married and want to fight for our M and simply cannot see myself dating or being with someone else, now or ever. He has an amazing soul, a huge and kind heart. We are soul mates, or at least we used to be, even though he now sees OW as his soul mate. My mistake was to not express and treat him like he deserved. I took him for granted and didn't appreciate him and now I am paying for it.

I know I might change my mind in the future, or time and /or my Hs actions might make me change, but right now this is how I feel.

2) I am simply too old-fashioned, I guess. I believe that dating while married, even if separated is cheating. I know it's now acceptable for a lot of people, specially if the separation has been long, but I just don't agree. I see it as part of my promise to my H and my wedding vows. Obviously my H doesn't agree, since he started "dating" three weeks after he left.

I guess I always assumed that we shared the same view on this, but we really never discussed it. That is why it hurt so much when I found out about his dating. To me, h cheated, and he probably felt guilt at some level, since he hid it from me for months.

I do see your point in trying to make him think I am moving on. He can see me doing a lot of things on my own, exercising, working on small projects around the house, having fun with the kids, etc. I definitely am upbeat and focus on my own things with and without the kids when he is around.

I take care of my personal appearance on a daily basis. But when I go out, I dress up, wear nicer make-up and fix my hair differently, I wear high heels and nice perfume, even when my outings are usually just dinner with my girlfriend(s). I appear focused on my outing when we do the kids' exchange and seem excited about it.

He has asked me a few times what my plans are and I am very vague in my responses. I think he asks because he wants me to move on, be happy and date. That way we will be on "equal terms" and he won't feel guilty about his R with OW...

I still feel very much committed to this man and he probably knows that I am not dating - he knows me very well and knows how I feel about doing it while still married. Plus, I am still wearing my wedding and engagement rings. That is probably not good, but I don't know what else to do to make him think I have moved on...