Confronted spouse...now he wont come home

[Nblost]

Thanks Abbey. The telephone coach (Laurie) worked with me on having some small goals around my H continuing to re-engage slowly with the family. I need to do what I can over Thanksgiving to make things fun and welcoming. The challenge for me is that I think H may need to work quite a bit, so don't want to get my hopes up that we'll have too much time together. Honestly though, I think too much time together would be risky in a way. Also, if we talk, I will try to listen and I will leave the conversation if it gets too emotional or goes on to long and doesn't seem helpful.

I also have some dread over Thanksgiving because we are spending it with both sets of our parents (both couples married 45+ years) and our kids. No one knows anything is wrong so I will need to put on a brave face. My issue is that I don't usually have a great time with our parents. We both have fairly quiet/conservative families and it just isn't that "fun" on holidays. It'd be much more fun to have one of our siblings around or some friends our age. But, maybe my 180 will be to be more engaged with our parents and try to be more talkative with them. Just some added pressure because H also doesn't think our parents are "that fun" and I will be worried he'll be wishing he was with OW.

Also, H's mom has early Alzheimers. It is sad because she used to be very talkative and now is quiet. Part of me thinks it should be very guilt-inducing for H to be around his parents (his 82 year old dad is dealing alone with his mom because H is never around and I am not willing to jump in given our relationship sitch). H seems so selfish by comparison (needs an A to make his life more "intimate" and fun while his dad deals with his mom). Not saying I don't own my role in this...but I know his dad believes I have always been a fabulous wife for H. But, not sure much can get through to H these days.

H was "nice" yesterday, silent again today, comes home tomorrow morning. My suspicion is that he was with OW tonight. I am trying to act "as if" but it's hard because my suspicions of his A turned out to be very right. He's not very hard to read (which could be good longer-term if we reconcile)

Anyhow, trying to be thankful for what I do have in life!!