Feel like I'm living the movie Groundhog Day...

[workinghardguy]

Not much to journal... the day is pretty much in the above posts. Tonight W added me to the list of people who don't see the majority of her Facebook posts. Sort of surprised it took this long actually. I don't think it's coincidence that she worked on D papers and added me to that FB list on the same day. Clearly she's organizing her mind for post-married life.

Had a board meeting tonight... went in and out of focus, kept seeing the D papers in my mind's eye. It's a step in this process. This is not over until I decide to give up. A part of me has always believed that we were going to end up apart if we were ever to get back together.

I've always believed that holding on until June is best. That every day is one more day of all of us together. I don't know about that now. Spending time with someone who doesn't want to be with you suxx. At the same time we can share such good times together, even now. Maybe I'm just smarting because I haven't seen a pull back this extreme from her in a long time. Things feel tonight like they did two months ago when this whole thing blew up.

But it is what it is. It only hurts until the pain goes away, and this too shall pass. Focus on the kids and myself. I see myself typing all these mantras that I repeat on other people's sitches, but right now they just ring sort of hollow.

So positives... let's end this on a positive. I managed to not say anything to W tonight about her budget issues or about the D papers. Boy did I want to... I wanted to text her during the meeting, I wanted to challenge her when I got home... I just wanted to talk about it, but there's no point. She's not going to change direction because of a text message or a talk or an email or anything. My mom has sort of figured out what's going on and she wants to talk to W about it. I even told her no... W is on her path, certainly a talk with the MIL won't change that, even though my W respects my mom immensely.

Ah well... I had a couple pretty good weeks there, guess I'm paying the piper for it now. Things got better before, they'll get better again. I also wonder how much of this is tied into the holidays... her needing to create even more distance moving into the holidays. To prove to herself that she can do this.

Oh well... time for bed. Hope for a better tomorrow.