Just got out of bed at 00:30. Can't sleep, missing my wife so much. Found myself calling her name over and over. I think I am losing it. Been having dark thoughts which I am trying to sort out, that's why I am writing here, someone may see and respond with words of encouragement. I'm not sure why I am still hanging on to a dream that has been destroyed. I should just give up and get the heartbreak over and done with. I just cannot see why someone you love so dearly has to treat you so badly. Erasing an 18 year history just like that. I was itching to ring her but resisted it. I think she is scared of what my reaction will be when I speak to her about the Land Registry paperwork. I have decided to tell her it was a fantastic idea and a shame we didn't think of it sooner. Hope she feels a bit more secure with that in place. That will surprise her I think. In truth, it makes little difference as I would give her my right arm if she were only by my side. I never knew missing her would be so hard. I have put her photos away and also taken off my ring. I am just so broken, I am not sure I have the strength to wait forever. She seems indifferent to the pain she is causing and maybe she is just the gold digger that others have said she is. But then I don't care because I love her and accept what and who she is without reservation. It is just a pity she cannot accept me in the same way. I will always love her unconditionally. Why are people so cruel.
