wife won't admit PA with OM

[25yearsmlc]

JAKE

YOU ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE...YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH B/C NO MATTER WHAT IT IS

YOU WILL MAKE IT WORSE....

OR IT WILL BE THE WORST CASE SCENARIO ( A FULL BLOWN PA) BUT THAT SHE IS TRYING TO FIX NOW

AND YOU WILL RUIN THAT....WHY? B/C YOU REFUSE TO FORGIVE.

THAT'S IT..period. You have spoken very little about the concept or how to do it or where to go to learn how.

All you want is your ego stroked and worrying THIS way ain't gonna do it.

Wow Harrier, you were pretty lucky too. I did have the challenging "evidence discussion" with W at one point. Prior to having it I convinced myself that I could just do it once and be done with it.

Per Harrier's note, that didn't work, I really felt the same way after as I did before. I was able to better understand some of what I found, but I really didn't feel better about any of it, nor did I fully believe I had the truth.

Here's the next place you're going to go -- pretend you fully go through all the evidence you have. The next thing you're going to ask yourself is "What don't I know? What haven't I found?"


EXACTLY!!!


Then, you will start pestering W to reveal anything else that you might not have evidence for "what else aren't you telling me!" That will also drive you nuts for weeks. You might then find additional "evidence", confront W again, and she'll say she didn't tell you about it because she didn't think it was important, then you'll stew on that for weeks.

our marrying priest said 2 things that mattered to me, ever.

One was this: "Of course deceit in a marriage is bad. But don't give your spouse a REASON TO WANT TO DECEIVE by over reacting or losing your temper"...

if she dents the car, don't go on & on about it and lecture and beratee. AND then wonder next time there's a scratch, why she didn't bring it up or maybe fixed it on her own without telling you. Own that...

likewise here, imo, YOU are blowing it. You need c or T asap....learn how to deal with this better.

See the point? It's a merry-go-round that you just can't get off. There will *ALWAYS* be more questions, and you can't know everything. In addition, W has already altered her view of the past to be more comfortable with it, so she may no longer accurately remember what she has done or said. You just can't know. I have to get to the point where you accept it, or decide that you can't and move on, as Harrier suggests.

--Accuray

GOLDEN ADVICE...you want answers that don't exits, or that can't and you want to rewrite the past and yet not know it.

Plus the EA if that's what it is and let's say it is...It BEGAN b/c of problems you claim to be working on but you don't seem to see them as at least a partial explanation. THEY ARE...so yes, YOU own some of it and instead of wanting details on what IS NO LONGER HAPPENING

why not focus on paying attention to her needs so the chances of it happening again, IF it did,

are reduced??? Seems to me SHE is trying, and you are holding your grudge and stomping your feet. How is that working for you?
Think she's feeling closer to you? More "opening up" likely from her NOW??

I accept that I WILL NEVER understand why my h did what he did (or who he was with...but I believe they meant little to nothing to him or I'd know and besides, I met some men too. Didn't sleep w/them but could have. Didn't love them but could have (in one case).

Since I CHOSE to remain married to h - I can believe the same about him b/c I saw real effort on his part to reconcile. And b/c I'm not a hypocrite.

what really matters is "going from this day forward."

Like I said, Jake, there's a reason those words are in our vows.