I will make one point though don’t ever just give in to your W because she needs to respect you. If you just give in you lose any respect you had.
I'm not quite sure where I gave in to my W in this situation. I'm know I have numerous times in the past. I'm a work in progress. If you think I gave in to her please let me know.
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I would say for someone going dark you sure talk to your W more than I would suggest. Ignore everything unless it’s about the kids
We do seem to communicate a lot. I'm really working hard at detaching...I've stepped it up a notch. My biggest problem is that when we are around each other we get along great...just like old times. Honestly, I think we could be really good friends. Right now, I can't do it.
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How mysterious is telling her you are going to your bosses house for Thanksgiving? Be mysterious.
I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing a game with that. I see your point and I know I need to do better with this. Also, I was excited that I was going to my bosses house...and I actually wanted too. I know I'm not supposed to change for our wives, or flaunt it...but this is a huge 180 for me. If I said I just had plans she would think that those plans would be sitting at home by myself. That's what I used to do. I know, I know...who cares what she thinks? It just felt good saying that I was going over to someone else's house instead of going to hers. It's a huge change for me....and I like it.
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We aren’t a family anymore why act like one?
I agree, but at some point I am going to have to do things with the kids and her. I think that is important....well, at least trying to make things as normal as possible. But, as I've stated before, I can't see her. If I'm going to detach she has to be out of sight, out of mind. Maybe this makes me sound weak, but if I'm going to be strong for my kids then I need some time away from the W to heal.
Originally Posted By: MrBond
If your W offered an olive branch for that, then IMO, you can do it and both of you give the kids a Thanksgiving they will enjoy with their mom and dad.
Going over to her place, right now, would make everything awkward rather than enjoyable.
Here is where I'm getting confused, and hopefully you can clear this up for me. In a previous post you said:
Originally Posted By: MrBond
avoid her like the plague.
You also wrote:
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Doing a 180 means to completely reverse a negative behavior that your spouse finds objectionable. You're doing this to protect yourself. Keep the two separate. You have to protect you first and foremost.
This is where I get lost. I am trying to protect myself. It seems to me like you feel like I should do Thanksgiving at her place, yet, avoid her like the plague and protect myself. Could you clarify?
I understand 180's are about reversing a negative behavior, such as going to my bosses house for Thanksgiving. One of her issues is that I never went out with friends or did anything for myself. I did have the 180 confused with the LRT. I understand the difference now.
Honestly, I just feel like I can't win. No matter what I do I'm either not detaching enough, detaching too much or messing up something that involves the kids. Somewhere down the line I'm getting lost.
