I think you have to do what you feel is right for your situation. Giving him a heads up or not. You know that best not us.
My W and I made a decision not to do anything without telling the other first (not that we are close to D or anything) So, in our case I wouldn't even file w/o telling her. But that's our situation.
I do think that you worry about his reaction may be overblown. I guess you probably have 2 worries - one that he will be happy about it or one that he will be angry/upset/etc.
Whether he is served or you give him a heads up, you have no control over that reaction. I could see not wanting to be there when it happens, though.
Either way you will have to face him on this issue at some point. It would seem to get make sense that you could be more prepared by being proactive about it instead of it letting play out through a process server.
Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you and your kids. I was just curious if you had a specific reason and wanted to provide some food for thought.
Good luck
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
