P40, I know its a really hard time right now. Try to focus on the fact that your kids need you to be the person youve always been. From experience i can tell you that seeing you a mess makes it so much worse for them..its hard to play happy when you feel so empty inside...gawd! If my bathroom walls could talk..id be committed right now... I have back slid also with the holidays and all..and my H is acting (or not??) as if he is just fine, which hurts, but thats how we are supise to be acting!!! So i guess we need to take lessons from them!! I had to drop off more paperwork at my L yesterday, and everytime i do i ask myself how the hell i got here...truth is i did what i had to do..and H left me no choice so im owning that and not beating my elf up anymore about it. Its just paper.. Your in my thoughts and prayers...its a hard time..
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
I just popped in and I have a question. is there any reason or rationale for not telling H, that you've filed? Instead of just letting him find out by being served.
I'm strictly curious about this.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Thanks. For me it is the garage!! That is where I lose my mind. I just don't understand how he can leave the kids on Christmas. Makes no sense to me.
Harrier I don't really have a good reason for not telling him. At first I didnt' tell him because he wouldn't talk to me and I thought last night I should tell him but I didn't. I guess I am worried about his reaction why I don't know.
I think you have to do what you feel is right for your situation. Giving him a heads up or not. You know that best not us.
My W and I made a decision not to do anything without telling the other first (not that we are close to D or anything) So, in our case I wouldn't even file w/o telling her. But that's our situation.
I do think that you worry about his reaction may be overblown. I guess you probably have 2 worries - one that he will be happy about it or one that he will be angry/upset/etc.
Whether he is served or you give him a heads up, you have no control over that reaction. I could see not wanting to be there when it happens, though.
Either way you will have to face him on this issue at some point. It would seem to get make sense that you could be more prepared by being proactive about it instead of it letting play out through a process server.
Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you and your kids. I was just curious if you had a specific reason and wanted to provide some food for thought.
Good luck
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I don't want a D and I didn't want to file. I only did it because I need some help with supporting the kids and he wasn't making any effort to do that. He keeps going on trips alone and spending money left right and center while I am playing the rob peter to pay paul game.
I think I am worried he will be happy about it. He is the one that wants the D. He has shown no emotion about the ending of our 12 year relationship and it hurts. Even if he thinks it is for the best there should be some sort of grieving over it.
I always took care of everything so I was going to stand back and let him take care of this D if he wanted it but not at the expense of the kids. So far I have been able to take care of everything but my mom has been helping me so that has to stop.
H came over tonight to see the boys and he brought chinese over for all of us and gave me some $$. I can't remember the last time he brought dinner over. He was friendly ish also. I hope we can keep this friendly thing going even after he gets the papers. I keep telling myself that doesn't mean anything that just because he is nice one night doesn't mean anything.
I am tired... Had a rough night couldn't sleep at all. I keep wondering if I am doing the right thing by filing maybe H just needs more time. Then I think why do I want someone that doesnt' want me and can just leave his kids on their first Christmas with their parents seperated. Too much thinking my brain hurts.
