Peter, I lived through the post-affair period -- your W will be tougher and meaner to you now than ever. She is grieving and she's hurt, and she's going to look for people to take it out on, and you are unfortunately first in line. I would shelve thoughts of reconciliation for now. Give her six weeks and see what her mindset is like.

For now, continue to give space, detach, act like you're on your own agenda (as you've been doing). Don't get your hopes up too soon, that will lead you to pursue and make things worse.

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015