Wife just told me doesn't want to be married

[sandi2]

What is your idea of going dim/dark? I think going dark is very difficult when a couple has children. And, "dim" is not a deffinition in the DR book. I remember when some newcomer started using the word "dim" b/c he didn't have the guts to go dark and was trying to compromise. Unfortunately, a lot of new people picked up on that word and try to use it as a DB tactic. I don't like it b/c the only thing it results in is making the LBS look sulled. It does not do the job going dark is suppose to do. I think you have to learn to detach, first, which you have not accomplished.

I dressed a little nice and threw on some cologne. SHe came in jogging pants

Well that was a bust, but do you know why? You totally over-killed. The time for her to "catch you" looking hot and wearing cologne is when you weren't planning on being with "her". Do you get it? That way, it won't be puruing, but if you over-dress for the occassion (which I don't know that you did....she obviously under-dressed) and throw on the cologne, then she knows it's to impress her and that kills the effect right there.

She told me she was thinking of taking the kids to the circus with another mother and her daughter.

So I asked ok am I going? She said she was not sure. So that is up in the air.

That is totally uncool for a man to respond like that. You don't "ask" her if you get to go or not, you take charge of your life and do what you want with your kids!~ She doesn't call the shots about your activity calendar. How long have you been doing this? That is a direct killer of sexual love right there. A woman is attracted to a man who makes decisions for himself.

I'm not suggesting dictatorship. In a healthy MR, a H and W would discuss it together......but you're not in a healthy MR. This is too much of little boy action when you ask her if you'll be going. From this point forward, I think you need to assume she has not included you, and just start making plans with the kids that doesn't include her, until things change.

I hope this works out.

It can! But you've got to make the appropriate changes.

I have to keep positive.

I agree.

I am talking with friends that have been divorced, to get there views.

DR remommends that you not discuss it with friends or family. Read the book to find out why.

Also tried no more mr nice guy. That site is not for me at this point.

It's tough stuff. I hope you'll stay here with us.