TIMES THAT TRY MENS SOULS

[gunny]

Thanks all for your kind words. Today, no real GAL, working from 8-8, tonight is my monthly veterans meeting, getting ready for a wreath laying ceremony this Sunday. I will be taking a long walk around the city though later on today, Enjoy the day all,
Gunny

[gunny]

Hello everyone,

Had a good convo with my w this afternoon on the phone. Surprisingly she called me at home, I was out running along the canal and did not get her message until later on in the day. Returned the call a couple of hours later, after I put myself in the proper frame of mind.

She called to discuss the paperwork I had sent her earlier in the week dealing with the upcoming sale of our cabin in PA. Since she is on the deed as owner of record, our realtor wanted her to sign and fill out all necessary paperwork. We passed the time making small talk, weather, how our dog was doing, whether she had joined a gym, etc. She volunteered that she has still not been able to find a job out there. It has been 1 month that she moved, and I think she is getting a little frustrated that she hasnt found anything yet.

She asked how my work is going, and how I was doing. I was upbeat throughout, and ended the convo on a good note. She also apparently called my SIL yesterday(bros wife). She has made it pretty clear that she is out there to stay, does not seem to be deviating from her desire to be out of jersey(can't say I completely blame her there lol!)She asked SIL to send her photos of her kids, and also asked her if she had talked to me.

So, one month into our long distance sep. Of course, I miss her dearly, but it is apparent that this is something she must do. Don't know what our future holds, but am pretty sure it is not going to take place here in jersey. I know I must give her space, and have so far not initiated any phone calls or other communications. She has initiated all comm.

Advice needed, is it time for me to initiate some contact, via email, or would this be construed as pursuing?

Guess I can say I am at least happy that all of our convos have been positive since she left. No spewing, or screaming or unpleasant words.
Well, thanks for listening everyone

[Rick1963]

Gunny hope you are doing well. Jersey is great so don't think of leaving. Do not email contact or anything let her do it. Live your life and let her deal with her own stuff. She chose this path without asking for your opinion. Yes we had a part in this but we chose to work at it they chose to flee. I know things will get hard for me soon but because of this boardand everything that I am doing I will be fine. I think that after the emotions settle a bit you stop feeling worthless. I think that that is where I'm heading. Hang in there and
make sure you GAL the crapp out of this weekend

[gunny]

Thanks Rick for checking in. The weekend was pretty good, church, visit from my father, etc. Read that you went to your meeting last night, it seems like your divorce care group is similar to one of mine, the last one I went to, last friday, was pretty free wheeling and interesting.

Any good plans on todays drizzly day?

[gunny]

Jornaling,
Nothing much going on lately. Keeping myself busy, trying to stay out of the house as much as possible during the day.
Got a call from a friend of mine in my church who invited me over her and her husbands place on the 10th of December for an early Christmas Dinner. I told them I would be there.

I am at the point in my sitch, (going on 5 weeks since w left), and getting near the holidays, when I am having conflicting thoughts about whether I want to spend the holidays with friends or family, or by myself up at my brothers cabin in the woods. I have always been a pretty solitary person, who didnt mind having some alone time. The ideal situation would be that I could spend most of the holidays(thanksgiving/Christmas), outside doing something physical, i.e. cutting wood, hiking, biking), then stopping in at someones place for dinner, and then back home again to retire. Mys SIL (Bros wife) has invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner, she said come on over, eat, and then, if you need to, pop up and leave whenever you want.

How about everyone else out there who are separated, what are some of your plans for this Thursday?

My best to all, sorry there is nothing really exciting to report.

[Rick1963]

Gunny glad you have so many invites. I would go to as many as possible that would be a 180?. I am spending it at home with my W and D. It is going to be weird but if it is my last one as a family I would make the most of it. W never invites family for the holidays. Not mine or hers. Always bothered me. I will put up Christams lights as I have for years. Won't ruin it for my D. She wants the tree up so if W doesn't want to I will do it with D. Have a great day buddy

[workinghardguy]

My best to all, sorry there is nothing really exciting to report.

Remember Gunny... excitement can cut both ways, so it's not a bad thing that there's nothing exciting to report. I invited myself to my MIL's house for Thanksgiving. W has to work and it has my W completely baffled But my S loves playing with his cousins and only sees my MIL and FIL at holidays and birthdays (they live a whopping 20 minutes away but can't seem to visit ever or have the kids over to their place). Heading to my mom's after leaving MIL's and then going to do the Black Friday thing.

Hardest part will be buying gifts for potentially the last "family Christmas" but it is what it is. I'm going to do my best to give the kids a good holiday. It's not like I can't buy them presents next year, it'll just be different.

[gunny]

Hello Workinghard,
Good point, your'e right about the excitement part, didnt think of it that way.

Just got an email from the w giving me an update on her mothers knee replacement surgery today. She wished me a Happy Thanksgiving! Kind of strange to be hearing that from my w, know what I mean?
Have a good holiday buddy, enjoy!

[25yearsmlc]

Gunny glad you have so many invites. I would go to as many as possible that would be a 180?. I am spending it at home with my W and D. It is going to be weird but if it is my last one as a family I would make the most of it. W never invites family for the holidays. Not mine or hers. Always bothered me. I will put up Christams lights as I have for years. Won't ruin it for my D. She wants the tree up so if W doesn't want to I will do it with D. Have a great day buddy

unless putting lights up has traditionally been your w's thing and she might get upset if you did it, DO THEM...especially if it is your thing or a joint thing.

Your d wants them and so do you. I still don't get all the "if SHE doesn't, THEN I will" interactions you have.

it's like you never want to make the first move unless you are told to, which isn't really making the first move.

Are you still in touch with your older boys? How are those r's going? Don't give up on ANY Rs w/ your children. Ever....really.

They may not respond but they like knowing you care and you never know, one of these days they may reach out.

Have you ever apologized to them, for leaving and having no contact? Just curious.

Rick, next Thanksgiving WILL be a better one but remember that this week

you are making memories for the d and w to have for later. Be upbeat and HAPPIER

and be easy to be around. No mopey faces, and create some good memories for them to look back on b/c they will look back on this week.

((( )))

[workinghardguy]

Be upbeat and HAPPIER and be easy to be around. No mopey faces, and create some good memories for them to look back on b/c they will look back on this week.

Thanks for that 25... even if it did cause me to lose it for a couple minutes there upon reading it. You're right... the kids especially will look back at the "last family" holiday season as something special it needs to not be one of pain. I hadn't really thought of it that way, or maybe just didn't want to admit/think about it being the last.

The other night W and I were working out the gift list for the kids. I pushed to "go big" and get each kid a gift we never normally would. We've been saving hard for Christmas and done well. And I've even been donating plasma just to have enough for a great Christmas, especially if it will be the last. And yes, it isn't all about the gifts, but when you're 5 and 9 and even 11 the gifts are certainly part of it. So we're going to do it. If it is the last holiday all of us are together I want it to be big, fun, exciting, and full of as much love as we can muster. Even if that love only radiates to the kids and not between W and I...