i really dont know my h financial situation now. he has been gone for so long, but he must be doing ok.i was feeling like i was going to file last week to protect son and i but when h starts being generous i get sucked back into the situation. i want to pull my own strings like the book said but i am afraid to let go of him. but i dont like being so controlled by him. i see now how dysfunctional our relationship was being so dependent on him in the past and now was not good. i know its because im a nervous person and dont know if i could make it on my own. i dont want to make excuses anymore im not getting any younger and dont want to waste my life. i really try to fight back and am taking more risks socially. i had to drop the algebra class cuz i want doing good. it was hard and i found it difficult to concentrate with this stuff going on and sons college decision too. i withdrew from it but im still going to attend the class so i learn it for next semester. i went and looked for a used car last night, i never buy new. i was always terrified of car dealers but it went well. the guy was really nice,, he told me he almost died in a car accident a few years ago, and him and his wife just had twins, thats a miraculous story. he was a very nice guy. there was no high pressure sales. im glad i overcame that fear. they couldt do a good enough deal for me though so i didnt get one. i want to get a newer model in case i do get d i need something that is going to last at least 6 yrs under warranty. the warranty on the 1 i have now ended and to repair it would cost a lot. for thanksgiving it will just be son and I. thats ok though. i would like for son and i, to go to a soup kitchen and help out there.
