Abuse

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks DG, it was my son playing his DS all day.

That day I DID try to say my piece and walk away. I went and took a shower. He followed me into the shower (the door has no lock) and opened the curtain while I asked him to leave. He refused and stood there with the curtain open. My sister and her friends were in the room outside the bathroom. I was mortified.

I do fear my own role in everything. But various sources say that's not healthy for me to do. I don't really know what's true. But I am afraid of him. I'm going to visit for Thanksgiving with the kids. I asked him to get the guns out of the house and that makes him angry. He said something like..."you're starting to make me believe I would be capable of killing you."

This is BAD NEWS....it's wildly inappropriate AND scary...
Call the MPs if you are frightened again but for the record I'd report THAT comment above....it's controlling, mean and frankly it's a nutty thing to say.

If you are in the mlitary, as I suspect (or maybe you are European?) why not see a JAG Corp officer, the lawyer (and yes they are real lawyers, who are also in the military). As his wife you are entitled to free legal counsel for advice.


Now I feel like I shouldn't have asked him to remove the guns! I'm not even sure he'll be taking them out! But I'm afraid to not go visit because he'll get angry and I don't want him to be angry.

Your fears are controlling you. Try to realize that when you operate in fear, you are not operating in Faith...and this man is an angry man no matter what you do. Period. He's an angry person.

do you want to spend the rest of your life afraid and walking on egg shells? What are your children learning?


So tangled and difficult.

well, the good news is that even though this IS difficult, it's NOT complicated.

Your minister in your hometown has it going on. Pay no attention to people who wish you well but project their own beliefs, or insecurities about what THEY have in THEIR marriages, onto you and yours.

The whole "Submit to your h" statement sure leaves out the part about loving your w as Christ loved the Church, putting HER above HIM (you know, like dying on the cross and all)... Interesting that your h knows THAT quote but lives none of the bible. The hypocrisy is tiresome and galling.

Your h sounds like he needs medication and intense psychiatric help. That is NOT your job.

if he were simply sick we'd say "in sickness and in healthy" but to risk your life and or your liberty (locked in a room? seriously? That's just nuts)

or to put your son at risk b/c at BEST, your son is learning horrible things from your h.

Your son TRIED to hide in his game but he's learning to detach from his feelings until maybe HE explodes to...
are there ANY problem solving approaches going on or just conflict-escalation and then retreat?

Not healthy...get out of it....save yourself and your son.

If there's anything YOU CAN DO that can get your h to change, it is not what you've done, which is putting up with it.

and you simply cannot afford to tolerate this type of insanity. At some level you become a participant in it.

Just 2nd guessing yourself about the guns is crazy. IDEALLY you'd ask a friend to remove the weapons from the home b/c a violent man is there

OR IDEALLY he would do anything he could to make you feel safe.

Hey, I did criminal defense work. And I did it in the military.

I know men who killed their wives and kids. Sometimes then they killed themselves, sometimes not.

Nearly ALL of them had made threats like your h has, before doing it.

So yeah, I'm concerned for your safety. That has to come first.