I read your response on your post in the MLC forum. Thank you. Those are some great ideas...and some I'm already implementing. I'm so used to doing the girl thing it's ridiculous. I'll let the daughters put makeup on me, I'll paint their nails, take them out on dates, makeovers...you name it. Honestly, it's some of the best times I've ever had.
I do agree that I'm in the LBS fog. I'm trying to feel my way out...I'm making progress...baby steps. I've noticed that the last couple weeks I have slipped a bit as far as my PMA around my kids. The whole thing with my wife dating threw me for a loop. Before I got the girls this week I vowed I would keep a PMA and have fun with them. So far, so good. We are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow (their mom has them Thursday). Probably get nails done and hit a movie and dinner. For some odd reason they do not want me cooking for them...smart girls. haha.
My W's father drove quite a ways to be here for Thanksgiving. I think it's very important that my kids see their grandparents. Even if they do hate me. My W has a very large family and they all get together on the holidays to celebrate. My W sent me a text message saying that we can split the girls on Thursday. I thought about it and decided it would be better for them to be around their family. It will distract them and keep their mind off of the D. Plus, I really want them to have quality time with their Grandpa.
My W text me back asking if I was sure and that she thought the kids would like that. I responded back to her explaining that I thought they should be with family. She dropped a text that said, "U should be with family too". I had no idea how what to say as it seemed like a vague, mixed message type of comment. I've learned that when in doubt, it's better not to say anything, rather than put your foot in your mouth. Sure enough, she text messaged me saying, " if u want u can come to my place." Again, I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I was at work anyway and didn't have time to respond anyway. Later, I had to text her to get an address of a friend who was going to take my daughter's to her house because I was going to be late picking them up from daycare. Later in the evening she text me asking about girl scouts tomorrow night. I asked her how important it was because we are having our Thanksgiving tomorrow. She responded with, "so, you don't want the girls then?" I explained again how I thought they needed to be around a lot of family and it will distract them. I also explained how it was her day to have the kids and I didn't want to take that away.
All of what I said was true. But honestly, I just can't be around her. I get too caught up in the emotions of it all. Plus, it would be awkward for me to be at her place around her family. Especially since she said that everyone she's talked to (her family) is happy she left me. None of them have actually had a conversation with me longer than five minutes, except one, and he likes me fine. Bottom line, I need space away from her. Obviously she needs it away from me too. She'll never know if she misses me if I'm always around.
She then asked me if I wanted to come to her house. I told her I appreciated the invite. Politely thanked her and told her that I was going to my bosses house for Thanksgiving. Which she responded with "cool".
What's the point in all of this? First, I'm spending a holiday at my bosses place. Something that I would never do. Especially with my boss...I had a boss complex. The funny thing is I WANT to go. Second, I turned down going to her house, which is completely opposite of what I would normally do. Third, I kept a PMA throughout the whole thing and was able to focus on my work and then later on my kids.
Now before everyone starts bashing me about not spending Thanksgiving with my kids, keep this in mind. We are celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know my kids and they will be better off with family distractions rather than at a stranger's house with no one to play with. Also, I told my W we were going to have separate holidays months ago. Don't forget that grandpa is in town as well and this is his only chance to see them. So put down your 2x4's. I'm a good dad. I'm not taking anything away from them. This is a difficult situation for us all and trust me, it will be better this way.
My brain keeps wanting to figure out the reason why she's wearing the ring again and why she asked me twice to come over for Thanksgiving. The beautiful thing is, IT DOESN'T MATTER! I can't control it. I've gone as far as I am going to go as far as pursuing my wife. I do have self-respect and pride. She knows I love her. She knows that I am here. I do not want her back if she doesn't WANT to be back. I don't want to rush this just to have her freak out and run away again. She needs to deal with whatever she needs to deal with. She needs to decide if she loves me or not. I'm not going to get in the way of that. I feel that she is sending me mixed messages, but that seems to be part of the script.
