OnMyWay: to the next phase.

[OnMyWay]

One thing I can control is me, and I'm finding that to be quite the challenge lately.

My parents are visiting - staying with me and D9. They didn't come last year, as they didn't want to be in the middle of our sitch. Now, though, they are here and I'm finding myself under a bit of pressure.

My parents don't understand our sitch - why we aren't divorced but aren't together either. They seem disappointed in my W. They ask about her all the time, why things are the way they are, what she's doing, etc. Conversely, she asks me about them, how they are reacting, what they are saying, etc., making me the middle man.

I've actually been struggling with this, but stuck to my personal "code" and always answered with a "I understand you want to know what (other) is thinking, saying, etc., but I can't speak for (other). If you want to know the answer to that, I encourage you to ask (other)."

W has opened up some. She's feeling the pressure also (as I am sure are my parents). She tells me she wants to come back, but is very hesitant, because she knows in her heart if she comes back, it must be for good. She's not sure of her ability to do that. With her school, she doesn't feel she can commit the emotional resources she believes she needs to rebuild our relationship. I try not to encourage her either way, but simply tell her to be true to herself and it will all work out regardless of outcome.

My parents have been pushing me pretty hard for some sort of resolution, which has had the unwanted effect of pushing me towards filing - another case of the LBS becoming the WAS. That is not what I wanted, of course, but I do need to move in some sort of direction. I feel like I'm a new man and want to get on with my life. This limbo is old. However, I do not like being pushed by anyone to make a decision that is not mine to make. My life, my schedule - no apologies.

So, we ride out the holidays and see what we get. I feel confident the New Year will be a new life - with or without my wife.

Happy Thanksgiving to all you DBers going through the same thing. There truly is a lot to be thankful for!