I was really upset by the porn because I was raised that we hold women sacred. I'm Oglala and it's sacrilege in traditional culture. I have a difficult time reconciling his need to look at these images, while he is married to me. It makes me feel as if I'm not enough for him.
On the other hand, I can logically understand that men are visual and they look at porn because they enjoy looking at a woman's body. I get that. But i can't ignore how it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Not sure how to handle this, because part of me feels it is wrong, and the other part can understand where it comes from for a man.
I am SO happy he was honest with me... which means he's not going behind my back. He may start going behind my back again now, because of my reaction. (I cried about it)
He felt awful for hurting my feelings, but is that going to stop it? I doubt it.
I also can't live in a situation where I say "Go ahead and do this, but just don't tell me about it".
he explained to me yesterday in his words what he felt about it...
"It had become sort of an addiction to just look for awhile"
No, he's not choosing porn over me, he's still very much wanting to be intimate and it's been great.
