You should. This is about your son now, not your H. As much as you can, try and not to make it sound like a personal attack. He might think it is, but you'll have the C there to reign him in hopefully.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ive been considering that and i think tonight is the night...I will be calm and reasonable but i will state that I feel like there is not a lot of "Co" parenting happening considering he has to work so much and is so busy and has to cancel on S14 a lot of the time.. does that sound confrontational??? i really dont want it to be so any suggestions would be appreciated..
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
well, i never got to bring up the fact that H is not exactly co parenting....
The C got into immediantly why H wants D because as she has said before, his reason of not being able to trust me as he blames me for his drinking did not make sense to her. I thought, here we go again! I cannot sit throught this AGAIN...as he started spewing all his blame she brought up that he has said my anger was a big part of it but that I had been working on that as even he had admitted and not he seems to be the one with anger. he then stated he blamed me for leaving, for not being able to see his son every night????? and for the fact that weve lost our house among other things. (wow...had never heard that part)
she then asked him if I had asked him to stop drinking and he said yes, several times. She said and did you? and he said no... and she said then how is that Ws fault? and now that he is sober would he had rather I stayed and kept S14 in that envirorment especailly at the age he was (12 at the time) He eventually said that he admitted that 90% of our probs were his drinking and he knew that..she asked him if he could look at me and tell me that and he did....looked me dead in the face and said I know that 90% of our problem was my drinking and that is is not your fault, she also had me look at him and tell him that my anger was a big problem in our marriage and I except that and am sorry for my part of the break down of our marriage.
we talked about how in part his drinking was the cause of our loosing everything..as I would not have left had he stopped drinking when I had asked and loosing the house was a result of me having to leave...he also excepted that and she asked so how is it you keep blaming W? and he said I guess its easier for me to just say its Ws fault.
I am not reading to much into this but I will say if feels like a break through with him...finally taking ownership for his part is a first. I dont know what kind of an impact it had on him but for me I felt like a weight was lifted off of me. He still says that he is happy and when asked by C said he would not try to reconcile with me even if the problems could be fixed?????? Of course we are overlooking a big part of this...the OW. He does not want to give her up right now. It was not brought up, i think the C is holding off on that and im not looking forward to it but she told him it was good that we are working threw this part so that our R could at the very least be better for S14 and not have so much blame and bitterness.
He again offered to use his EAP so that we could keep comeing to her, which again surprised me. everytime she gets into the R stuff I am just waiting for him to walk out or say hes not comeing back but he hasnt.....
all in all it was productive i feel, lots to think about Thanksgiving was not brought up again and he said he will be getting ready to move so I dont have to worry about that, but he has made no mention of spending any time with S14 on that day... Hes playing the marter (spelling?) card and said he is spending the day packing his things since he has to be out by the 30th and doesnt have time for thanksgiving. thers is not much that we have left to get out of the house and there is a whole weekend before the 30th that he could do it in...I have to go over and get the last of my stuff out this week at some point but am not looking forward to that also, it will be the last time im in the house we bought right after we got married and had my youngest son in. He grew up ther for 12 yrs of his life and we did alot of work to that house. it will be very sad for me, but the fact that he and OW have made that there "place" as she stays there quite a bit has taken a lot of the attachment out of it for me. I had to pick up S14 last weekend and it made me physically ill to be in the house.
I am off this week for thanksgiving break so have lots of time on my hands. am spending it with my boys and getting ready for the holiday. I have finally found an internship and will be meeting the Doctor today and starting on Mon. Have had to take a leave of absence from work to do it (for the month of Dec) and am scared of how we will get by...have a little stashed away to pay rent but christmas is going to be difficult. my paycheck only paid rent anyway so it wont make any difference. I am looking forward to the change and hope that i can find a job as soon as the internship is over. wish me luck...
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
So, a year ago i was cooking for a family of five at this time, making pies and bread for thanksgiving dinner... Tonight im home alone......no pies to make. I am so sad tonight...
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
