REQ: Looking for a thread from a fellow DBer...

[Abbey]

Kaffe, you're right about the initial discovery about an OP is not the place for where friendship can normally start to evolve. Distance (even during a separation) (which was the case with H and I) was made it easier. Once I realized just how buggered he was emotionally (I realized how badly the aliens got him)... a sense of humor came into the picture, a sense of my own self and I set boundaries. No coming over, no physical contact. They have to miss you. He called me day and freaking night.

Right now, as much as I can start over from scratch, there are some things that I KNOW from the past experience with him. And while beginners mind is important in one regard, so is the motto do what's working.

I'm aware this thing is going to get worse before it gets better. But what what experience has shown me is he's making deals with god again at the moment. He knows in his head this is someone to stay away from, but his heart isn't there yet. Being his sounding board, affirming how hard it is for both of us right now etc. Even telling him to not fight with her, seeing his daughter is what's important - THAT's where I have to be a friend. I refuse to be responsible for him not seeing his daughter.

He's admitted the parasite doesn't want me anywhere near the child. *laugh* He also admitted the sex is making it hard for him to "count me out". I said, well... I've said before and I'll say it again. If we have to take the long road to get where we need to go... we've done well having ...er.. an affair with one another...quietly until you get yourself all sorted out. I'm not worried about having to go that route again.

She'll burn him. This is a certainty. Then his heart will catch up with his head.