Bond, I am intrigued that you say that you've seen the "friends" approach work many times. It seems that your advice toward LBS' in the Newcomers section points more towards creating distance and boundaries until the A "burns out."
WCF, I am not speaking on behalf of Bond on this of course...
It is my opinion that many people, especially "early" (which is relative to each person) in the OP realization, find it difficult just to emotionally cope, never mind be friends with someone who's betrayed them at a core level...
As bond suggests, it is detaching that allows us to finally come to a place where we can begin to be friends, or at least friendly... not FWB... just friends... friends don't romantically engage with their friends nor are they jealous of their friend's love relationships...
As dbmod points out above, beginning with a beginner's mind is important... IMHO a beginner's mind to DB and also a beginner's mind to the R... IOW, become friends with one's spouse when we can truly be their friend... even when they might be coming from a perspective of history... assume no history, as though you are a beginner in the R... in the friendship...
