Yeah, I think there's a lot of things like that, where you can't really do it by trying. You just have to let it happen natually. Guess that's why I like the taoism - I tend to be in my head too much, and come to think of it they talk about leadership "without being obvious". When things get stressful and chaotic I rush in to fix them - not a very relaxing way to live, well, maybe for me anyway.
