I will look up your thread and post my thoughts when I get a chance.
Going dark was probably easier for me because my kids are older. D12 has her own cell phone and I call her everyday just to ask how she is doing or just about her day. What I would suggest for you is to stick with a schedule. I know life happens and I would only make adjustments if those adjustments are reasonable. I get my youngest every other week and I drop her off at my ex’s house after my week is over then my ex drops her off at my house after her week. Another thing I did was made sure my D12 doesn’t need to bring a bunch of things along. She has plenty of clothes and toiletries at my house, less things to carry makes for an easier transition. I think it’s important to make this as easy on the kids as possible. This is not what the kids chose so do what’s best for them.
Look I am not going to tell you to not talk to your spouse. There are times that you have to talk to them about the kids. I say just don’t talk to them because you are feeling lonely or miss their voice. All that does is keep you stuck. You have to put yourself in the position that this is best for everyone involved. Another thing is only talk to your spouse when you are good emotionally. We all make mistakes so learn what works in your situation and stick to that. In the beginning I only got my girls every other weekend and I hated that scenario. I wanted more time and worked hard to get that. My ex told me this would never work. Guess what you can make whatever you want work if you put forth the effort.
My ex tried to make D18 her friend instead of being a parent in the beginning. It was all fun and games at first until the child loses respect for the parent. Every time my D18 and her mom got into a disagreement/fight I always tried to patch things up in the beginning. Now they both need to grow up and learn to get along. I am done fixing things that I didn’t break. All you can do is be a good parent and expect your kids to do the right thing. My D18 is pregnant and thinks she knows how life works, she doesn’t always like the rules of my house. I stay firm and consistent and I let her make her own mistakes that way she gets some life experiences. We all need to live and learn. I have had to go as far as tell my D18 that she is living with me because that’s what she chose. I also had to let her know that she was not going to run back and forth between me and her mom every time things weren’t going her way. I just stay strong and consistent and they both respect me for that.
The best thing I could tell anyone is to become creative and do something you may not like. I am a manly man I hunt, fish, work on cars and live for the outdoors. I have hung a tire swing in my front yard and learned the cheapest place to get my D12’s nails done. I can actually walk into a mall for more than 5 minutes at a time now. I still don’t know how to match clothes but the girls are teaching me and they think it’s funny. I love to hear my girls say dad please we are going out in public you can’t wear that. Everyone has strong points in life, mine might not be matching clothes but does it really matter what I am wearing when I fix my D18’s car or her boyfriends truck? The brownies I made didn’t even know I was wearing a red plaid shirt without any sleeves and black jeans. Yes I will wear boots and shorts to the store it doesn’t bother me at all. I really do know what to wear when I have to dress nice but I love the reaction I get from my girls when I might embarrass them a little. I just like to have a little fun and live. The laughter you get out of your kids makes everything come into perspective.
Oh and one small thing I will add. When my ex seen me pushing D12 in the tire swing, I actually seen a small glimpse of the old her. I hadn’t seen that person in a while and not sure I will for a long time if ever.
My ideas might be off the wall and a little out of sorts but we have fun.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
