I am reading DB right now and will move on to DR next. It does help. Your desciprtion of the two pronged approach helps as well. I get the "change for yourself" themes that are rampant and at the core of the forums. I have actually been looking at a couple things in myself for quite some time. She's acknowledged this as well. I obviously have more that I need to look at. And I think I have/can be successful at showing her I don't need her. I found DB the second night after the bomb and just from the info on the site and a couple of forums, I started DBing on day 4, noticed immediate reactions that just reinforced the need to GAL. It's thinking about the pain my kids will face, and my anger at her doing this that can drag me down into despair, fortunately I think I've been successful keeping those emotions from her.
We had an interesting conversation last night after she got home. Among all the things we discussed she told me she felt like I was pushing her away. I told her I didn't understand because after the first couple of days I've not done anything like that, not about us, about counseling, etc. She said its like its passive/aggressive or something. I acknowledged that I'm giving her space and am focused on myself and on the kids. But, I said,I don't see what the aggressive part is? She didn't really have an answer here. Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think this is a flag that she's noticing my DBing efforts and doesn't know how put my actions into perpective.
She did say she thinks I'm ignoring the situation and forcing herr to make all the decisions. I asked what and she said like figuring out how to tell the kids. I told her I wasn't prepared to tell them and given her desired time frame of leaving I don't understand her desire to tell them so quickly. She thinks they will know something is up and be even more angry and hurt by waiting. I agree she is re-playing history, which makes it that much more difficult to understand why she'd be willing to put her own kids through this, especially w/o seeking professional help.
