I also have wondered about that chapter in DR on askig what you want. I've seen posters misunderstand the application and try to ask for what they want (i.e. wanting the M to work) and of course, that was not the thing to do.
If your W has low self-esteem, then you can gradually work in positive statements about her. And when you do give her words of affirmation....make sure you don't sound like a husband....but you sound like a man. Do you understand what I mean? For example, when she dresses for work or going out, don't say, "You look really nice". That's a "husband" compliment. That makes no points with her. But say it the way an unmarried man would point out how she looks.
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I guess my sitch is somewhat different from some on here being that I didn't meet her emotional needs
On the contrary, I think that is the beginning of the breakdown in most M's.
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Like I said before I've refrained from telling her that I love her since I don't want to pursue her and chase her away. I've not tried or even talk about ML to her. I do put my arm around her in the morning before we get out of bed and she has yet to tell me to stop but she doesn't do it in return.
You are on the right path here.
As MWD says, it's all about timing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
