Antonia is right about the ups and downs. The downs will become less intense and less frequent over time. You cant hurry it up, it happens when it happens.
I understand about your son. My son was about the same age when it started.
I made it very clear that he can be angry. However, I set a clear boundary that he cannot be disrespectful towards me. And each time he took it out on me, I called him on it.
I told him that I understand that he is hurt and confused and mad. But it is not ok to take that out on me. I told him I am here for you if you want to talk, I can find someone for you to talk to or you can figure out a way to work through it. . But, it is absolutely not ok for me to take the brunt of it.
It took some time for him to get it. Eventually he did.
It is very normal for the child to take it out on the parent who was left. They feel safe to be able to show their feelings without worrying about that parent leaving. They also often don’t want to show the walk away parent how they feel. Their relationship is strained and they don’t want to add anything to make it more tenuous.
And you are right, it is temporary. He will get through this and so will you.
Do what you can for the holidays, let the rest go. If there is one thing I have learned from all this it’s that all the cleaning and laundry and all the rest will be there when we get to it. And in the grand scheme of things, what is most important is time spent together, memories being made, and the essentials we need to take care of. Everything else, not so important.
